Monday, October 28, 2002
CONSPIRACY THEORY OF THE DAY
An international group of left-wing thinkers and writers were horrified by the election of George W. Bush as president of the USA. They felt that by all rights, Al Gore had won the election. The fiasco of the Florida recounts left them frustrated. The Democrats, the enlightened and rightful rulers of the USA, had been wrongly denied of power.
They therefore sought out similarly aggrieved parties. Osama bin Laden and his organization, Al-Qa’ida, had been fighting against the American imperialistic presence in the Middle East for some years. Now it is well known that thanks to American imperialism, there is no pan-Islamic state in the Middle East, and hence no peace and justice in the Middle East. The international left-wing organizations thought up a daring plan: if only Al-Qa’ida were to attack the USA where it most hurts and give it the bloody nose it richly deserves, Bush would be revealed for the weak clown he is and forced to resign from office, the Republicans would be disgraced, and a new election the Democrats would regain their rightful leadership.
To this end, the World Left set out to provide strategic support to Al-Qa’ida in every way possible. They encouraged the free movement of peoples throughout Europe, crying “racism” every time the scepter of Islamic terror was raised. They encouraged Middle-Eastern dictators such as Bashar Al-Asad and Saddam Hussein to obtain weapons, and allowed them to use them with impunity. They turned a blind eye to the acts of regimes such as the Taliban, or the activities of organizations such as Hizbullah and Hamas, even when they massacred children. Rather, they decried the USA and its Middle-Eastern puppet Israel at every possible opportunity.
When the attack came, and 3000 civilians were slaughtered, the Left were quick to point out that in fact America was to blame, and to insist that it ought not to respond. After all, war is the old fashioned and old fascist way of dealing with disputes, and Europe has progressed beyond such primitive means. However, rather than buckling at the knees, Bush proved himself capable of leading his nation to war and winning. The Left was now in a quandary: how could they achieve their aims? The only way, it seemed, as to imply that Bush himself was a party to the September 11th Massacre. It was not too late to show the world how wicked Bush really is.
All this sounds a little far-fetched, I know, but it is the only explanation I can come up with for the bizarre support that the Left has shown for Bin Laden, and the incredible lengths to which they have gone to exonerate him and his Islamic Fundamentalist followers from blame for these murderous attacks. The latest example of this is Gore Vidal’s ludicrous claims in this Sunday’s Observer. I can only conclude that they themselves are somehow implicated in the whole affair, and are now engaged in a huge cover-up. I don’t normally subscribe to the Conspiracy Theory of History, but this time I’m really stumped; I just cannot come up with a better explanation.
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